


Full Circle

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, First Times, M/M, Romance, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:50:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A blast from Jim's past and an all too current serial killer force Jim and Blair to reevaluate their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Full Circle

## Full Circle

by Brak

Author's webpage: <http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Academy/2455/xfic.html>

Disclaimers: The Sentinel and it's related characters and concepts are the property of Bilson/DeMeo and Pet Fly, and are used without permission. All original characters are mine and I may or may not use them again. As of this moment, a sequel isn't even close to being in the works but I've grown quite attached to Matty Ryan and may end up bringing him back some day. 

Notes: Thanks to my lovely, lovely betas, Anna, Ronnee, and Hope. They were a huge help in bringing this story about. They never got off my case when I made mistakes or had someone do something out of character. I can't thank them enough. This story, like most good ideas I get, came to me in the shower. Fortunately, it was Saturday and I was awake enough to remember it once I was dry. A nice little action packed h/c story. As with most of my stories, a large part of the sex takes place "off screen". If you don't like that, well, you're more than welcome to write a missing scene. 

* * *

Ah, lunch. Thank God. It had been a rough day and it wasn't getting any easier. Jim and Blair strode into a diner they frequented not far from the station. The case they had been working on was particularly gruesome and they both needed the break. 

"Look, Chief if you don't want to come to the scenes with me, you don't have to. I know that's some pretty sick stuff. There's no reason you have to see that." 

"No way man, I'm in this with you. Besides, you need me there when you're looking for clues." Blair said. "And I really want to catch this guy." He added. 

"I know what you mean. This one's a real sicko." 

The killer, whom the press had dubbed John Q. Public, drugged his victims to subdue them, raped them and then severed a few major arteries. 

The victims, a mix of male and female, had all been killed at night in very public places. The police were still trying to figure out how a man had been killed in a court room without anyone noticing. Other scenes included a tax accounting firm, the Cascade Convention Center, and a high school gymnasium. 

The stench of blood hung so heavily at the crime scenes that Jim had to keep his sense of smell dialed down. In fact, he had to keep it dialed so far down, that it was practically useless in matters of detection. As it was, he had zoned on the smell twice during this case already. 

Jim tried to shake the thoughts loose. He did not want to think about those scenes while he was eating. 

A waitress came by and took their orders. During the meal they talked about anything they could think of other than the case. Sports, the weather, Blair's latest date. Anything was better than the case. They were bickering about who's turn it was to cook that night when Jim felt that he was being watched. 

He searched the room and saw a young man sitting not far from their table, looking at him. The kid, for he couldn't have been more than 19 years old, continued to scrutinize him, even as he made eye contact. Looking into the boy's eyes he felt an odd sense of familiarity, but couldn't quite place it. The boy looked at him for a moment more before shaking his head 'no' and turning his attention back to his food. Jim continued to look at him, wondering if he'd seen the kid before. 

"Jim?" Blair said loudly. "Earth to Jim." 

Upon hearing Blair call Jim's name, the kid whipped his head up so fast, Jim could feel a breeze. Locking eyes with him, the youth left his table and approached them. 

"Did... did he just call you Jim?" The boy asked, shyly. 

"Yeah. Who are you? Do I know you?" Jim asked, softly, trying not to scare the kid. 

"Jim Ellison?" The boy asked. 

"Yes." Jim said. 

The kid gasped. "Oh, my God." It was barely a whisper. He took out his wallet, removed a snapshot and handed it to Jim. "This is me when I was 9." 

Jim looked at the picture and recognized it immediately. He had taken it. "Matty?" Jim asked as he stood to get a closer look at the boy in front of him. "Little Matty Ryan?" 

"Not so little anymore." He said, smiling, and blushing a bit. 

Jim compared the child in the snapshot to the young man in front of him. Puberty had been kind to Matt Ryan. The pudgy little boy had grown into a muscular young man with a strong jaw, chiseled features, and dark auburn hair that framed a pair of sparkling green eyes. He must have grown at least two feet since the last time Jim had seen him. He looked as if he was about to cry. Jim pulled him into a hug. 

"I thought you were dead, Uncle Jimmy." Matt said. 

"What?" Jim couldn't disguise the shock in his voice as he released the young man. /Does this mean they don't hate me?/ 

"No one ever told us you were alive. We thought you died in Peru." 

"How could you not have known?" Jim asked, looking confused. "It was big news when I got back." 

"We were out of the country. Right after the crash, Dad was offered a job in Japan. We just got back to the States last year." 

"This is too weird." Jim said, sitting back down and motioning for Matt to do the same. "I tried to look you up when I got back but I couldn't find you. I guess now I know why." Jim said. 

"Dad was really upset. He and Uncle Davy were really close. He liked you a lot, too." 

"When I made all the magazines, I thought he'd see and look for me. I sort of thought that he was angry at me. I figured he thought it was my fault." Jim said. 

"No, Uncle Jimmy, he was never mad at you. He'll be thrilled to find out you're alive. Dad loves you." 

Blair, who until now had kept quiet, cleared his throat to draw attention to himself. "Uh, Jim. What are you talking about?" 

"Oh sorry, Chief." He turned to Matt. "Matty Ryan, this is my partner, Blair Sandburg. Blair, this is Matty Ryan. He's uh... he's my nephew." 

"You're nephew? What you have another brother I don't know about?" 

"No. I guess, you can say it was by marriage although we never really had a ceremony." Jim said, a small flush spreading over his face as he realized that Blair was hanging onto every word of the conversation. 

"You guys didn't need one." Matt said. He gave Blair a quick once over and nodded in approval. "It's nice to see you've moved on. I mean that." 

Jim blushed more, Blair looked from Matt to Jim as if they had both grown second heads. "Oh, God. I just spilled some really big beans, didn't I?" 

Jim couldn't look at Blair, who still appeared totally dumbfounded. "You always did have big mouth, kid." He said to Matt. 

"Oh, man I'm so sorry. When you said partner, I just figured..." 

"No, no, it's my fault. I'm a cop. You couldn't have known." 

"A cop? Oh, Shit." 

"Don't worry. Blair's cool." Jim looked over at Blair who looked as if he had retreated into his head to figure out what he had just heard. "You are OK, aren't you, Chief?" 

"Uh... yeah, I guess." Blair said without much certainty. "I think we need to talk though." 

"We will." Jim said. 

"Um. I think I should go." Matt said. "You don't need me here for that talk." 

Jim scribbled his phone number onto a napkin. "Give me a call." He said as he handed it to Matt. "Do you live in town?" 

"No, we're just here for a few days. We live in New York. I'll have Dad call you. We should all have dinner or something." 

"Yeah, we should. Take care, Matty." 

"You too, Uncle Jimmy." Matt hugged him good-bye and left to pay his check. 

Jim turned to Blair. "I was gonna tell you, Chief. Someday." He said, looking embarrassed. 

"Maybe we should go someplace private." Blair said, softly. He was so shocked, Jim didn't think he had blinked since he heard the news. 

"Truck?" Jim said. 

"Sure." 

They paid the check, left the diner, and climbed into the truck. Jim began to drive back to the station. 

"So, um... You're gay?" Blair asked. 

"Bi." Jim corrected. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

"I meant to." Jim said. 

"You said that already. And that's not the answer to my question. Jim, just for once do you think we could talk about something personal without my having to drag it out of you? This is important to me." 

"OK, okay. It's just hard." 

"Jim, I'm trying to understand why you didn't say anything before. I'm trying to figure out why you couldn't trust me. You said we could talk about this, now if you can't, if after all this time, you don't have enough faith in me to believe that I'll stick by you no matter what, well then... Well I don't know what I'll do, but you won't like it. Come on Jim, it really hurts that you can't trust me." 

"I trust you." 

"Prove it." Blair challenged. "I'm you're friend, Jim. I'm here for you." 

"Fine." Jim sighed. "At first, I didn't think I'd need to. I mean, we were just working together. My sex life didn't really have much bearing on your thesis. Then, when you moved in and it became clear you were gonna stay, I thought about telling you, but I wasn't sure how you'd react. Besides I haven't been with a man for a long time. Not since Davy." 

"Who?" 

"David Ryan. Matt's uncle. We met in the army." 

"What happened to him?" 

"He was with me in Peru." Jim said. 

"I'm sorry." 

"Yeah. Me too." 

They pulled into the parking garage at the station. 

"Uh, Jim. I think I'm gonna head out to Rainier." 

Jim stopped him from exiting the truck. "You're not Ok with this, are you?" 

"I need some time to process, Jim." Blair said. 

"You'll be home tonight?" Jim asked and couldn't keep the fear out his voice. 

"Do you really think so little of me? You really think I would just leave over this?" 

"I think more of you than anyone, Blair. I just want to know where we stand." 

Blair put a reassuring hand on Jim's shoulder. "We stand where we've always been. You're my friend. I have to admit I've never thought of you as someone who'd be into guys, but that doesn't change anything between us. I'm not upset, I'm just sort of surprised." 

"I guess I can understand." Jim said. 

"This is just another piece in the giant jigsaw puzzle that is Jim Ellison. I figure I'll be able to figure out what the picture is in, oh twenty years or so." Blair smiled. Jim looked relieved. "I just need to sort of, assimilate this into my perception of you. And tonight you can tell me why you thought you couldn't trust me with this." Blair said seriously. 

"It's not that..." Jim began. 

"Look, Jim for some reason you didn't think you could share this with me. Now to me, that says we're not doing something right. I'm gonna go think about this for a while. And while I'm gone I want you to think about the fact that I'm your friend and you can tell me anything. I mean _anything_ , Jim and I'll always do my best to understand." 

"There's so much I've wanted to say." Jim said. "It's tough for me to admit, but talking like that kinda scares me." 

"You never have to be afraid of me, Jim. I promise." Blair patted Jim's shoulder and left the truck for his own car. Jim went back upstairs to keep working on the case. 

Jim got home before Blair. Since the "who cooks tonight?" argument had never been settled, he figured he ought to make something. When Blair arrived he had fried chicken and rice set out on the table. 

"Looks good." Blair said. 

"Thanks." Jim said. 

They ate in silence until Jim finally looked across the table at Blair and asked, "Have you finished processing?" 

"Yeah." Blair said. 

"And?" 

"And I don't have a problem with it." Blair said. 

Jim heaved a sigh of relief. 

"I do have a problem with the fact that I had to learn it by accident." 

"I'm sorry, Blair. It's just... well, it's hard. By the time I figured I should tell you, you were living here and I thought you might get upset. I still didn't really know you that well, and I wasn't sure how you'd take it. Then, as time went by it just got harder and harder to tell you." 

"Jim, if you can't trust me then there's something really wrong between us." Blair said. "No matter what, I'm gonna be around to help you, but if you don't think you can trust me, then maybe I shouldn't be here." 

/This is it, Jimmy. He's going to leave you. Tell him the truth. Tell him everything, and maybe he'll stay./ "It wasn't about me trusting you. It was about you trusting me." Jim said. 

"Pardon?" 

"In my opinion, a lie of omission is still a lie. And I've been lying to you since day one. How could I just come out and tell you that. How could you trust me after that? After this? I didn't want you to leave." 

"You were scared?" Blair said. 

"Yeah, Chief. I was scared. I do trust you, Blair. I don't want you to go." 

Blair got up and walked around the table to where Jim was sitting. Without even thinking, he bent down and wrapped his arms around his friend. "I won't go, Jim. You never have to be scared of me." Blair said, placing his cheek against the top of Jim's head. "You're not the only one with secrets." 

Jim raised his arms to cover Blair's. "Thanks, Chief. I'm glad you're cool with this." 

"You're my best friend, Jim. It'll take more than you being bisexual to get rid of me. I just don't like thinking that you have no faith in me." 

"I really thought I could lose you over this." Jim admitted, feeling slightly ashamed of himself after Blair's affirmation of their friendship. 

"Not a chance." Blair said. "I know it can be hard to tell the truth when you've kept a secret for a long time." 

"So, do you have any secrets?" Jim asked, trying to lighten the mood. 

Blair quickly detached himself from Jim and wandered his way to the living room. 

Jim followed. "Blair, I'm sorry. I was just trying to lighten things up a little. I don't mean to push." 

As Jim approached, Blair began pacing, keeping the couch between them. 

"No, it's Ok, man. I mean here I am going on about how we can tell each other anything. Yeah. I've got a few secrets." 

"If you ever want to tell me, I'm here. I don't want you to feel like you have to. It might be nice though. Y'know, make us even. Your turn to shock me." 

Blair stopped pacing, his back to Jim, and took a deep breath and said. "I love you." 

Jim was sure he had heard wrong. "Come again?" 

Blair turned to face Jim. "I love you, Jim. I have since the day I met you. I've been kind of afraid to tell you. But now I at least know you won't kick me out for it." 

"Now who doesn't think much of whom?" 

"I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. I know it's scary to love someone you shouldn't. I have to admit, I've never thought of you that way." 

"Not your type, huh?" Blair said, sounding somewhat disappointed. 

"It's not that. It's just that I haven't been with a guy since Davy. I tried when I got back from Peru, but I just felt like I was betraying him. Like I was looking for someone to replace him. But if I let myself, it would be very easy to love you." 

"Would you tell me about him?" 

/Can I? Yes. This is Blair. I can tell him anything. I owe him that much, at least./  
"Sure." Blair sat down on the couch. "Wait here." Jim said. He went upstairs and came back a moment later with a box. 

"I kept these things. Things that remind me of him." He said, sitting on the couch with Blair and placing the box on the coffee table. He pulled out a photo album and placed it in the empty space between them. The first page was an 8x10 of a very young Jim and a handsome young red head in military fatigues. "We met in boot camp." Jim started. "We became friends right away, but we didn't get together for a while. We stayed in touch when we got different assignments. We eventually ended up at the same base. I knew then that I loved him. It was a scary thing. It wasn't really the guy thing that bothered me. I'd known about that for a while. I had just never been so... attached to anyone. I couldn't take not being able to have him. I decided to go out on my next furlough and do whatever it took to get him out of my head. I went to this cheap bar with every intention of picking up some random guy. But he was there. We went for a walk, talked things out and decided to get together. He kissed me that night. I was 21. I'd never really kissed anyone before." 

"Never?" Blair asked, astonished. 

"Not really. I didn't have a lot of girlfriends. It wasn't for lack of options or anything. Without sounding too vain, there were plenty of girls who wanted to go out with me. I had one or two girlfriends but it was just goodnight kiss kind of things. I never went parking or anything like that. But that kiss with Davy. That was real. That was love. Everything that came before was just... practice." 

"Oh." Blair didn't want to say too much. It was rare to find Jim in a mood where he was willing to talk about himself. 

Jim turned the page to reveal several 5x7 pictures. Jim and Davy sitting under a Christmas tree. Davy holding a little boy. Jim holding the same little boy. Another red haired man kissing a brunette under the mistletoe. 

"He took me home for Christmas the first year we were together. It was so great. His family just accepted me. No questions asked. I never thought it could be like that. I'd never seen a loving family before. His parents were dead. It was just him and his brother and his brother's family. Sean and Carrie treated me like I'd been a member of the family all along. And Matty, that kid thought I was the greatest thing ever." Jim's voice was tight, but he smiled when describing his happy memories. 

"Sounds great." Blair said. 

"It was. We went on like that for years. We saw each other when we could. Spent holidays with Sean and Carrie, and wrote a lot of letters." Jim pulled a stack of letters from the box on the coffee table. "I kept all the ones he sent to me. I haven't read them in a while." 

"We went into Covert Ops together. But it got to be too much. We were tired of hiding, tired of being discrete. We wanted to be together and we just couldn't do that in the army. Then Davy got a job offer. He met an old friend at a high school reunion. The friend's company was into manufacturing and they had a lot of government contracts. They were looking for someone to head up their security since a lot of it was top secret. He offered Davy the job. We made plans. We decided when each of us would turn in our resignations so it wouldn't look weird that we left at the same time. We said Peru was gonna be his last mission. And I would leave a couple months later. But it didn't work out that way." And Jim, who had barely kept control while telling Blair about those last few months, lost it. He started crying and shaking. 

Blair, moved the photo album out of the way, and pulled him close trying to soothe him. 

"Shh. It's Ok, Jim. It's Ok to be sad. It's Ok to cry." 

"Christ, I miss him so much. After he died it just hurt so much. I tried to push him away. Everything we were, I did my best to forget. I never really cried for him." 

"Then do it now, Jim. It's Ok. You're safe with me." 

"He died in my arms." Jim choked out. "He... he made me promise to find someone else. Made me promise to go on. I convinced myself that I'd done that with Carolyn, but I hadn't. Everyone I ever got serious about, I measured against him. And no one was ever as good." 

Still sniffling, Jim extricated himself from Blair's embrace and rummaged around in the box. He pulled out a small, velvet covered jewelry box. Inside were two necklaces. He pulled out the first. 

"This was his mom's." Jim said, showing a silver and gold Celtic cross to Blair. "He wanted Matty to have it." He pulled the other chain out. It held Davy's dog tags. "I gave everyone else's back to the army when they picked me up. I figured I should give these to his family in person." 

Jim, still teary eyed, looked at Blair who had tears of his own. "Why the tears, buddy?" 

"I'm just thinking. It's so tragic, y'know? You guys could've been really happy." 

"We were happy, Chief." Jim said. 

"You know what I mean." 

"Yeah. Lots of 'if only's'. I did a lot of that. It doesn't help." 

The phone rang, startling them both. "Ellison" Jim answered, trying to calm his shaking voice. "Sean!" Jim laughed a bit. "Yeah, it's really me. I'm doin' good. How are you?... Good, good. And Carrie?... Really!... Oh, that's terrific... Yeah, we have a lot to talk about... 6:00 tomorrow? Sure... Cascade Tower. They've got good food there... OK, Put him on... Hey Matty... Stop apologizing kiddo, he's Ok... Yeah, he's sitting right here. You wanna say hi?... Trust me kid. He wouldn't do that." Jim looked fondly at Blair. "Blair's a good friend... Ok, see you tomorrow." 

Jim hung up the phone. "I don't think he's ever going to stop apologizing for outing me." Jim said. The short conversation with his long lost family had done a little to cheer him up. 

"It was an honest mistake." Blair said. "Should I go with you tomorrow, and prove to him that I don't hate you?" 

"I think I need to see them alone." Jim said. 

"I understand." 

They sat in silence for a while. "Jim?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Before, you said you hadn't been with a guy since Davy. That you felt like you were betraying him." 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you still feel that way?" 

"I never really felt that way." Jim said. "It was just something I said to myself because I was afraid." 

"Afraid of what?" 

"Being left again. Committing my heart to someone and losing him again." Jim said shakily, remembering the pain of the past. 

"Are you still scared?" 

"A little. But it's habit more than anything else." 

"So do you think you'd be willing to give a guy a chance?" 

Jim looked into Blair's eyes. "Have someone in mind?" 

"I already told you how I feel. How do you feel about me?" 

"I care about you. Very deeply. I love you like a brother. More than my brother actually. I don't want you thinking I don't. Blair, you're the most important person in my life, but I have to tell you, I've never even considered you as a potential date." 

"Maybe it's time you did." Blair said. 

"Maybe. I already said it would be easy to love you." 

"Give me a chance, Jim." Blair said softly. "Give me a chance to win you." 

"Yes." 

"How about dinner this weekend? I know a nice little place. It's a classy little club with live entertainment. It has a good mix of gay and straight couples, so if we wanted to dance or something no one would look at us funny." 

"Sounds great, Chief." Jim said, and gave his friend a hug. "It's a date." 

Jim stepped off the elevator, into the restaurant at the Cascade Tower. Scanning the dining room, he quickly spotted the people he had arranged to meet. A family of three he had not seen in years. They had been his family once. Were they still? There was only one way to find out. He walked toward the table. Matt was the first to greet him. 

"Hey, Uncle Jimmy." He said as he threw himself into Jim's arms. When they released the embrace, Jim held him at arms' length and looked him over. "I used to have to pick you up to hug you." He said. 

"I could probably pick you up now." Matt said. 

"He's a fine young man." Jim heard a familiar voice and turned to see Sean Ryan. Now in his late forty's, he had put on a bit of weight since Jim had last seen him. His red hair was going gray at the temples. But Jim could still see the handsome, caring, family man he'd met all those years ago. "He's got a little too much of his uncle in him, though." He said as he pulled Jim into a hug. 

"I don't see what's so bad about that." Jim replied, smiling. He quickly found himself in the arms of a teary eyed woman. 

"God, Jimmy it's like a miracle." Carrie Ryan said. 

Jim felt his own tears of joy welling, just beneath the surface. This was still his family. They sat down to dinner and quickly began catching up. 

"So, Matt tells us you're a cop now?" Carrie began. 

"Yeah. I'm a Detective with Major Crime." 

"How do you like it?" Sean asked. 

"It's never boring." Jim said ruefully. 

"That doesn't sound good." Carrie said. 

"Well, it's not always bad. But right now we're working on a pretty gruesome set of murders. I can't really discuss it, but it's not pretty." 

"So, what have you been doing all these years?" Sean asked. 

"Well, after I got out of Peru I mulled around for a bit and then joined the PD. I got married. Then I got divorced. I was in Vice for a while but I didn't like it. I was "Cop of the Year" a while back. Up until a few years ago, I didn't really have much of a life outside of work. You probably wouldn't even have recognized me." 

"It must have been very hard for you." Carrie said. 

There was a brief silence as everyone at the table remembered their grief for their lost loved one. Without his family to fall back on, Jim had thrown himself into his work. He wondered how they had handled it? 

"So, you were married?" Sean asked, trying to get the conversation started again. 

"Yeah. Her name was Carolyn. It didn't work." 

"I'm sorry." Carrie said. 

"It was for the best." Jim said. "We weren't right for each other. I'm just glad we never had kids." 

"That could've been messy." Sean said. 

"We made better friends than we did Husband and Wife. She's in San Francisco now. So what about you? You live in New York now? That's a long way from Colorado." 

"So was Japan." Matt said coldly. 

/Guess you didn't like Japan, huh kiddo?/ Jim thought to himself. 

"Yeah. We're in New York now." Sean told him, ignoring his son's remark. "We all took the crash pretty hard. So, when they offered me the job in Japan I took it. I really didn't expect to be there for so long. We all just needed some time away. But now we've moved to New York. I'm on the Executive Board." 

"And I'm about to have my first novel published." Carrie said. 

"Congratulations." Jim said. "So what brings you up here?" 

"Well, Matt here is 18. We're taking advantage of Spring Break to look at colleges. We've been to Arizona, California, and we're stopping off at Chicago on the way back to look around there." Sean said. 

"You know, my roommate works at Rainier. If you haven't toured it yet, I'm sure he could arrange something more in depth than the usual 'aren't we a great school' tour." 

"That would be great." Matt said. "So he's really Ok with everything?" 

"Yes, he's fine. I keep telling you, not to worry about it." 

"I just feel so stupid. I'm so sorry." 

"If I had any sense, I'd be thanking you, kiddo." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I think you inspired him." Jim answered, with a big smile. "He asked me out." 

"You're kidding!" 

"Nope." 

"Uh, who are we talking about?" Carrie asked, her face furrowed in confusion. 

"My roommate." Jim said. "He works with me too." 

"Couldn't that get awkward?" Sean asked. 

"We're already pretty close. I don't think it would be a problem for us, even if it doesn't work." 

"But you think it will?" Sean pressed. 

"I think so. We've been working partners, best friends, and roommates for three years. He's a pretty special guy." 

"Good for you then." Sean said. "You deserve to be happy, Jimmy." 

"I am. It's been a tough road since Peru. But I think I'm finally getting some things together." 

"If it's not too painful, could you tell us about what happened down there?" 

"Uh... Yeah. Yeah, I think I can." Jim said. "There's not a whole lot to tell. The helicopter went down. I pulled a couple guys out. Everyone who was still breathing. Davy... Davy was still conscious, but he.. uh.. he was the first to... to, go." Jim stopped to wipe his eyes and took a drink to try and wash down the lump that had formed in his throat. 

"I held him." Jim went on softly. "I asked him not to go. He made me promise to go on without him. He... he told me to find you guys when I got back. He said I'd always have a family with you." 

"He was right." Sean said, and took Jim's hand. Carrie placed a hand on Jim's shoulder. They were all a bit choked up. Jim spared a glance at Matt, who was hugging himself tightly, just barely keeping his tears at bay. 

Jim continued. "He loved you all so much. He wanted me to tell you that he was sorry he wouldn't be here anymore. He told me he loved me, and then he just sort of slipped away. I didn't know what to do. I felt so lost. I must have sat there for at least an hour, going over our life together. Then I heard his voice in my head, saying 'Jimmy, get your lazy ass up. It's a beautiful day and there's work to be done'. He said that to me a lot. I still like to sleep in." Jim smiled a little. "So, I got up. I... I buried everyone and went on with the mission. Eventually I was taken in by a local tribe. I was there for 18 months before a patrol spotted the graves and found me, while looking for survivors. I tried to find you when I got home, but I guess you were already in Japan. When I started getting in all the magazines and stuff I figured you didn't want to see me." 

"Oh, Jimmy, no." Sean said, appalled. "Why would you have thought that?" 

"Because I was in charge of the mission. Because their lives were my responsibility. Because Davy's life was my responsibility." 

"Oh, Jimmy I never blamed you for what happened." Sean said. "None of us did. But I get the feeling you've been blaming yourself." 

"Maybe just a little." 

"Well, don't." Carrie said. "You didn't cause the helicopter to crash. None of that was your fault." 

Jim reached into the pocket of his blazer and pulled out Davy's dog tags. "These were his." Jim said, handing them to Sean. "I let the Army give everyone else's to their families, but I thought I should do this in person." 

"Thanks, Jimmy." Sean accepted them, lightly rubbing the little bits of metal. There were tears in his eyes when he handed them back to Jim. "But I think you should keep them. We have a lot of his things. You should have something that was his." 

Jim took them back with a shaking hand, eyes wet with unshed tears. "Thanks." He said, his voice soft and shaking with emotion. 

By unspoken agreement, the evening ended. They headed out the door and towards the elevator together. "Um... If no one minds, I'd like to talk to Matty for a while." Jim said. "I can take him back to the hotel." 

"Is it OK, Dad?" Matt asked, forgetting that he was trying to act like a grown up just long enough to whine. 

"Yeah. It's fine. You guys have a good time." 

"Don't worry." Jim reassured the young man's parents. "I'll take care of him." When they left the tower Jim and Matt walked towards where Jim had parked. Jim put his arm over Matt's shoulder. 

"What's going on, Uncle Jimmy?" Matt asked suspiciously. 

"Davy wanted me to tell you something. I figured you wouldn't want to cry in front of your dad, and I didn't know how this would affect you." 

"When I lost you guys it hit me pretty hard." Matt said softly. "I cried a lot. Dad spent so much time trying to take care of me, that he never took care of himself. Now, with you back from the dead, it's really hitting him. It's my turn to be strong for him." Matt looked somber and serious as he turned to watch his parents drive out of the parking lot. 

"God, I've missed so much. When did you turn into a man?" Jim was amazed at how much Matt had matured. Not only was his body grown, but his outlook was so mature. He also carried himself like someone twice his age. There was a quiet confidence in his movement, and his few gestures were quick and economical. He'd have to remember to ask Blair about body language in Japan. 

"No one's ever called me that before." Matt said softly. 

"What?" 

"A man. I like it." 

"I'm sorry I missed so much of your life." 

"I know you tried to find me. I'm just glad you're back. So what did Uncle Davy want you to tell me?" 

"He wanted me to tell you not to let your parents stifle you. He said you should believe in yourself and your talent. Do you still sing?" 

"Yeah. I still do." Matt's voice was shaking. 

"He said you had what it took to make it. I don't know how he could tell. Your voice hadn't even changed yet, now you've got that soulful baritone, just like your dad. Davy believed in you. He said your parents would be too worried you wouldn't make enough money, so you needed your Uncles to tell you to follow your dreams." 

"He knew." Matt said quietly. "He knew even then, how much it meant to me." 

"He loved you very much. He wanted you to have this." Jim said. They stopped walking and Jim pulled a small piece of wrapped up tissue paper from his pocket. He handed it to Matt who carefully unwrapped it. 

"Uncle Davy's cross." He said in awe. He hurriedly put it on. 

"You look like him." Jim said softly. "I didn't notice until you put it on, but you look like him." 

"I miss him, Uncle Jimmy." Matt said, not bothering to hide his tears. 

Jim hugged him. "It's Ok, Matty. You be strong for your dad. I'll be strong for you." They stood there for a long time, Jim slowly rocking the young man back and forth. 

When Matt finally broke the embrace his eyes were red and Jim's shirt was wet. Arms around each other, they started walking again. "I used to pretend you were both alive." He said. "When I was in Japan and kids made fun of me because I looked different, and my teachers accused me of being lazy because I spent too much time with my music, I used to pretend you guys had been rescued. That you had left the army like you planned and you would come and Dad would let you take me back to America." 

"We would have." Jim said. "We didn't know about Japan then, but we were going to ask your parents if we could have you for the summer, once we got settled." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah." 

"Did you ever think about me over the years?" 

"To be honest, I tried not to. It hurt so much. I thought your dad blamed me for Davy's death. I didn't think I'd ever see you again." 

"Sounds like we both got a second chance." Matt said. 

"Yeah, we did." They walked down the street for a while. They had already passed the truck, but Jim didn't care. They were silent for a few minutes. "So you're going to college?" Jim finally said. 

"Yeah. And Rainier is looking pretty good, considering I've never been there. It would be nice to have family close by." 

"It's a good school." Jim said. "And it would be nice to have a family again." 

"You still don't get along with your family? I remember how sad you got that time I asked you about your dad. It had never occurred to me that people didn't get along with their family." 

"That's the way it should be." Jim said. "My brother and I are Ok now. And now Dad and I are kind of on the mend. I don't know what'll come of that, but we're both trying." 

"Well, that's good." 

"Yeah. Anyway, I've got Blair. We look out for each other." 

"So he's really not upset?" 

"Yes!" Jim had to laugh. "A thousand times, yes. He'll probably send you a thank you card and a dozen roses for letting him know I was available." 

"So, he asked you out. You think he could be the one?" 

"What would you know about 'the one'? You're 18." 

"Hey, a half hour ago, you said I was a man. Now I'm getting 'you're only 18'." It was said with a smile. "The only thing I know about 'the one' is what I see with my parents and what I saw with you and Uncle Davy. I may have only been a kid, but I remember the love. And if you love Blair that much, then he's probably the one." 

"I care about him more than I ever thought I could care about anyone after Davy." Jim said, just realizing how important Blair had become to him. 

"Do you care about him as much as you did, for Uncle Davy?" 

"I... I never truly considered that he'd be available. If you knew him, you'd know he's something of a skirt chaser. I mean, sure I've thought about him, in passing. Like 'where would we go? Is he a good kisser?' things like that, but I never thought he'd want me, so I never seriously considered if I wanted him." He was trying to avoid the question, afraid of what his own answer would be. 

"You didn't answer the question." Matt said. 

Jim sighed. He wasn't going to get away with it. He thought for a moment. "Yes. I think I do." He finally said. 

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" 

"Surprisingly, no. How come you're so easy to talk to?" 

"Because the last time you saw me, I followed you around like a puppy and loved you unconditionally. You were my hero, Uncle Jimmy. You could do no wrong." 

"And now?" 

"And now I know that everyone is human, but I still love you." 

"I love you too, Matty." Jim said squeezing him a little tighter. 

"You know? No one calls me that anymore?" 

"No one calls me Jimmy anymore, either. But I'll make an exception for you." 

"I guess I'll have to do the same then. So, when do I get my guided tour of Rainier from your new boyfriend?" He teased. 

"Call me tomorrow." Jim laughed. "I'll be home all day unless something comes up at the station. And I don't think he's my boyfriend yet. We haven't even gone out." 

"The way you two were arguing at the diner I thought you were married." Matt said, smiling but not really joking. 

"We are pretty domestic aren't we?" Jim chuckled a little, thinking about his easy relationship with Blair. 

"Yeah." 

"So, what's your major?" Jim asked, feeling a bit uncomfortable with where the conversation was headed. 

"Dad wants me to major in business. Says it'll lead me to a good career. I want to major in music though. Either that or Celtic studies. I know Rainier has a program for both. Maybe a double major. After going through high school in Japan, that'll be a piece of cake." 

"Tough schools?" 

"You have no idea. I have this fantasy where I go to school and put together this huge band. We graduate, cause it would be a waste of money if we didn't, then go on tour and make millions. Nice dream huh?" 

"I'm sure you could do something with a music degree, even if you don't make millions." 

"Yeah. But there's nothing wrong with millions." 

Jim laughed as they meandered their way back to the truck. Jim dropped Matt off and headed home. 

He had hoped Blair would be awake. He wanted to tell him about the night. It had been hard facing his memory of Davy like that, and integrating himself into his old family. He needed his friend. He snuck into Blair's room and gently jostled the sleeping man. 

"Blair." He said softly. "Blair wake up." 

"What... Jim?" Came Blair's drowsy response. 

"I'm sorry, Chief. I needed to see you." 

"What's the matter?" Blair said, sitting up and looking concerned. 

"I just dredged up a lot of stuff tonight." Jim felt slightly ashamed of himself. Despite Blair's promise to be there for him, he still felt guilty for asking for help. He still felt ashamed for needing it. "Could I... I mean, would you... I... Can I.. uh, stay here for a while?" 

"The bed's not big, but you're welcome to share it." Blair said, scooting over. Jim climbed into bed, his back to Blair's front with both of them on their sides. Jim felt Blair's warmth on his back. He felt the strength of Blair's hands rubbing his shoulders and wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up in the smaller man's strong arms. 

"I'm glad you know you can come to me." Blair said, continuing to rub Jim's shoulders. "I want you to know, that I'm here for you." 

It was a tight fit, but Jim felt more comfortable here than he did alone in his own big bed. Blair's presence had always been reassuring to his senses, but now, he felt like he would be lost without it. 

"I know you are." Jim said. "I wish you didn't have to be." 

"There's nothing wrong with needing some support Jim. It doesn't make you weak." Blair soothed. 

"I used to know that." Jim said, thinking back to stressful days that ended with him venting to and then being held by Davy. 

"I can teach it to you again, if you let me." Blair said. 

"Hold me." Jim said, sounding more desperate than he had intended. 

Jim felt strong arms encircle him, and Blair's body press up against his back. Immediately the tension and pain began to drain away. Neither of them needed to say how much it meant to the both of them. 

"Thanks, Chief." Jim said. 

"Anytime, Jim. I'll always be there for you." 

Any resistance Jim may have been harboring slipped away with this statement. He settled himself, trying to keep as much contact with Blair's body as he could, just feeling the strength of Blair's dedication to him. 

Despite his awkward and cramped position on the overcrowded bed, it was the most restful sleep Jim had in a long time. 

The next day, Matt called early to arrange a tour of the campus. He and Blair had arranged to meet at the student center at noon. Jim was at home all day reading through the case files on John Q. Public's victims. Sometime around one, the phone rang. 

"Ellison." He answered. 

"We've got another one, Jim" Simon Banks said. Jim could tell he was in his car. "I'm on my way to Adam's Beach. I already called Sandburg." 

Jim thought it odd that Simon had called Blair before him, especially since he had no way of knowing that he wouldn't be home. He'd have to pump Blair for information later. "I'll be right there, Simon." Jim hung up the phone, and headed out. 

Jim walked along the shore of Adam's Beach toward the commotion caused by the crime scene. As they drew closer, Jim could see Blair and Henri Brown standing outside the crime scene tape. He dialed up his hearing and heard Brown encouraging Blair to keep his head between his legs. 

"You OK, Chief?" Jim called as he approached. Blair was looking like he was about to throw up. 

Blair looked up. "Oh, yeah. Just wasn't quite ready to see that, y'know? God this guy is a psycho." 

Jim nodded. He looked around to see what other officers were on the scene when he spotted a young man at the edge of the tape, trying to get a view of the scene. It was Matt. Jim turned to Blair. "What is he doing here?" He asked incredulously. 

"I couldn't just leave him alone on campus." Blair said. "And I didn't have time to take him back to the hotel. Besides he can't see anything from there." 

"I don't believe you, Chief. How could you bring him here?" Jim sounded angry. Blair had seen this side of him before. The part of him that would fight anything or anyone to protect the people he loved. If Jim hadn't been yelling at him he might have found it endearing. 

"Cabs don't run to Rainier unless they're called, and we didn't have time to wait for one, so I told him to stay out of the way. He'll be fine." Blair said, trying to placate Jim's protective instincts. 

"Fine, like you're fine? I don't want him seeing this stuff." Jim was still upset. 

/New tactic, Sandburg./ Blair thought to himself. "Then don't take him across the tape." He said. "Now let's check out this scene before the tide comes in and washes away all the evidence." 

Blair's comment, as intended, steered Jim toward his duty. Jim stepped under the tape, Blair close behind him. Before approaching the body he walked over to where Matt was standing. 

"Hi, Uncle Jimmy." He said. "Don't be mad at Blair. I made him bring me." 

"No one can make Blair do anything." Jim said. "We'll be discussing it later. Just stay away all right? I don't want you to see this." 

"You don't have to protect me, Uncle Jimmy." 

"Have you ever seen a human body with no blood?" Jim asked coldly. 

"No." Matt replied somewhat timidly. 

"Well, there's no reason you ever should. Trust me it's not pleasant. Or easily forgotten." 

"OK, I'll just hang out here and watch the gulls or something." 

"Good boy." Jim said, his features softening into a smile. He turned and began moving toward the body. 

It was a man. He couldn't have been more than 22. All the victims fit a pattern. They were all short, dark, and beautiful. This man was no exception. He was about five feet three inches tall, with dark, close cropped hair. He was cold and pale now. Jim tried to imagine what he would have looked like with color under his now pale gray skin. He closed his eyes and pictured him. He would've been very attractive. He was well-muscled, but probably would have looked stocky in anything but a bathing suit, but always very masculine. 

He had been killed like the others, his throat and wrists slit, opening the Carotid and Radial arteries. He had bled to death in a matter of minutes, but only after suffering the indignity of sexual assault. The blood had soaked into the sand around the body, tinting it a dark maroon. 

Jim was grateful for that, at least. The smell at the other scenes had been overpowering. He stopped for a minute. The smell was different here. He could smell some kind of perfume or cologne. He wasn't surprised when he felt Blair's hand wrap around his forearm. 

"What's up, Jim?" 

"I think I smell something." 

"What?" 

"Some kind of cologne." 

"From the killer?" 

"I think so." 

"Are you sure it's not one of us?" Blair asked. 

Jim sniffed his guide, letting the warm scent fill him. Jim let himself revel in the feel of it for a moment. He'd never noticed before, but Blair smelled good. He tried to shake the feeling loose. Now was not the time. "Well, it's not you." 

He walked over to Matt who was still standing too close to the tape for Jim's peace of mind. 

"What's up?" Matt asked as Jim sniffed him. 

"I smell something." 

"I showered." Matt said defensively. 

"Not that. Some kind of perfume. I'm trying to figure out it's from the killer or not." 

"I don't smell anything." 

"It's not you." Jim said. He moved to where Brown was standing, making a cast of the killer's foot print and sniffed him: Nothing. Just coffee, donuts, and Brown. 

"Hey man, what's up with that?" Brown said, waving Jim away. 

"Don't you smell that?" Jim asked innocently. 

"Smell what?" 

But Jim was already on his way to Simon, who was searching the tall grass at the edge of the beach for the victim's clothing. He inhaled slightly: Tobacco, tobacco, and more tobacco. /How can he stand to be in the same room with himself?/ Jim thought, as he wrinkled his nose and turned quickly away from Simon. Simon, realizing what Jim was doing, paid no attention. 

Jim walked to Rafe, who was also searching the grass. He took a whiff: Coffee, a little more Brut than usual, but that wasn't what he was smelling. He felt heat pouring off the other man, he heard his heart beat increase and saw a slight pinking of his skin. /Man, I am _not_ going there./ Jim walked back to Blair. 

"It's nobody here." 

"Is it him?" Blair asked, nodding towards the body. 

"No." 

"Well, catalog it for now. Maybe we can do some tests, figure out which cologne it is." 

Jim scowled at his partner. 

"It's for the case." Blair said matter-of-factly. Jim just sighed. 

"Hey, I've got something." Rafe called from the grass, holding up a pair of jeans and a blue sweater that had been thrown far back into the tall grasses that grew on the Eastern border of Adam's beach. They all stood close to the head of the deceased. 

"So who is he?" Simon asked. 

Rafe searched the pants and pulled out a wallet. "Name's Scott Kopec." Rafe said, reading his driver's license. "21 years old, not married." Jim jotted down the address and phone number. "He's got a Rainier student ID." Rafe announced as he continued to go through the wallet. 

"Chief?" Jim said. 

"Don't know him. I'll see what I can find out from records. What did he do for a living?" Blair asked. 

"What does that have to do with anything?" Simon asked. 

"Well, I've been thinking." Blair said. "And I noticed something about the victims. They all look kind of the same, probably in keeping with this guy's turn-ons. But he can't have them for one reason or another. So he rapes and kills them. 

That satisfies his physical need, but the other victims were all unattainable in another way. There was the high priced accountant, killed at one of those tax places, the high priced lawyer, killed in the courtroom, the high priced artist, killed at the starving artists show. Picking up on a theme here?" 

"Yeah, but I've never heard of high priced lifeguard." Rafe said, holding up a certification card. "And what about that Gym teacher?" 

"Harold Jacobs was one of the top wrestling coaches in the country. He was not a Gym teacher. Buzz on campus was that he was gonna take Rainier's team to the Nationals. It costs a lot of money to go to college." 

"OK, so he fits." Rafe continued. "But a lifeguard?" 

"It all depends on where he worked." Blair said. "Some gyms are pretty exclusive. Or maybe a country club, or a fancy hotel." 

"We'll know more when we find someone who knows him." Simon said. 

The conversation ended as Cassie Welles, head of forensics, and Dr. Dan Wolf approached the scene. They stepped back and let Wolf examine the body. "Has he been disturbed?" Wolf asked. 

"No one's touched him." Simon said. 

Cassie came up to them. "Sir, if you're done here, that tide will be coming in soon." She said to Simon. 

"Right." Simon said "Tell your people they have the run of the place." He turned to his men. "Rafe, Brown, head back to the precinct and see if anyone's filed a missing persons on this guy. Sandburg, if you don't mind, head right out to the U and see what you can turn up on this guy. Jim, stop by his apartment and see if he has a roommate or something. We've got to get him ID'd officially." 

There was a general "yes sir" from all of them. 

"Need a ride back to the hotel?" Jim asked Matt as they walked towards the parked cars. 

"No, thanks. Mom and Dad said they'd pick me up at the University in about twenty minutes." He said consulting his watch. "I'll ride back with Blair." 

"So how was the tour?" 

"It looks like a great school. And Blair showed me where all the best parties are." 

Jim shot Blair a look. 

"Not that I'll be doing much of that." He added hastily. 

"Sure." Jim said sarcastically. 

"Oh, come on Jim, cut him a break. Getting tanked every weekend is part of the freshman experience. All that new freedom." 

"All that illegal drinking." Jim returned. 

"All that alcoholism." Matt said. "The Ryans make piss poor Irishmen. None of us can hold his liquor. Anyway that's not for me." 

"Good boy." Jim said. 

"Why, Jim, you sound positively parental." Blair said, chuckling as he unlocked his car. 

"He's always looked out for me, haven't you, Uncle Jimmy?" 

"Damn straight, kiddo. See you at the station, Chief." 

Jim climbed into his truck and headed toward the unhappy task of finding someone who knew Scott Kopec and telling him/her that he was dead. 

Jim approached Scott Kopec's apartment, praying that the young man lived alone. The worst part was telling someone his friend was dead. The building wasn't too far from the University. It was in a nice neighborhood. Not the sort of place where people worried about random acts of murder and violence. He reached Scott's door and knocked. The door was answered by a young woman. She was about 25 and 5' 5", with long, straight brown hair. 

"Can I help you?" She asked. 

Jim took out his badge. "I'm Detective James Ellison, Cascade PD. May I come in?" 

"OK." She said, her voice trembling. "Is this about my brother?" She asked. 

"Scott Kopec?" Jim asked gently. 

"Yes." She said. "Have you found him?" 

"Yes we have." Jim said softly. /God, I hate this part./ "Would you like to sit down?" She sat on the couch and Jim sat next to her. "I'm very sorry." He began. "But it would appear that your brother was killed sometime last night." 

The young woman gasped and put a hand to her face. She looked up at Jim, clearly making an effort to control her tears. "How?" She asked. 

"It looks like he bled to death." Jim said. "We'll know more after the autopsy. I realize it's difficult, but we'll need you to come to the morgue and identify him." 

She nodded her head. "OK. I just don't understand. He was such a nice person. I don't even know anyone who didn't like him. Who would want to kill him?" 

Jim took a deep breath, preparing himself for what was coming. "It would appear that this was the work of a serial killer." Jim said. 

"You mean that guy who's been in the papers?" She asked. 

Jim nodded. 

"You mean he..." She began to sob. "He... my brother was... Oh, God!" The dam burst and the tears came. 

Jim reached out and hugged her as she cried into his shirt. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm so very sorry." 

After a few minutes, she composed herself. "Thank you." She said, as she pulled away from him. 

"I know it's difficult, but if you could answer a few questions..." He said. 

"I'll try." She said. 

"OK. Now how long has your brother been missing?" 

"Three days." 

"Did you file a report?" 

"Yes." 

"When did you notice he was missing?" 

"When he didn't come home from work on Tuesday. I thought maybe he went out with some friends. " She sniffled and blew her nose. "Sometimes he doesn't... didn't call. When he never showed up, I got nervous. But I didn't go to the police until his boss called to find out why he wasn't at work." 

"Did he ever mention anything strange? Maybe someone was following him?" 

"He never said anything." 

"Where did he work?" 

"Angelo's. It's a health club on 8th street. He was a life guard." 

"OK, Miss Kopec," 

"Call me Helen, please." 

"Helen, if you think you're up to it, I'd like to head over to the morgue." 

"OK. Just let me get my jacket." She stood. Jim could tell she was holding back tears. He felt a bit guilty. His mind was on the case, but he'd been thinking of Blair the whole time. Thinking about how it would feel to lose him the way Helen had lost her brother. Just to have him leave one morning and never come home. Having to face the man who came to his door to tell him that they'd found him naked, raped, and bloodless on some Godforsaken beach. /Oh, Chief. How could I have loved you so much and not known?/ 

"Detective." Helen said from the door. "I'm ready." He got up and they left for the morgue. 

Jim knocked on the door to the Autopsy suite. "Come in." Wolf called. 

"What have you got, Dan?" Jim asked. 

"Well, I've just started the external. Went over him with the Luma-lite, came up with this." He said. Using a pair of tweezers, he held up a tiny piece of what looked like black rubber. 

"What is it?" Jim asked. 

"Don't know. It was stuck to his abdominal hairs." Dan said as he placed it in a small evidence button and marked it for the lab. "We'll know by tomorrow." 

"Anything like that on the other victims?" Jim asked. 

"None of them had much hair to speak of." Wolf replied. 

"Thanks. I've got his sister out front to ID him. You can start the post when she leaves." 

"I'll cover him." Wolf said, reaching for the large white sheet at the body's feet. 

It was an emotional scene as the sheet was pulled back and Helen identified her brother. Jim led the sobbing woman out to the lobby and sat her down, handing her a tissue. 

"Thank you." She said through tears. 

"Do you have someone to stay with tonight?" Jim asked. "You shouldn't be alone." 

"I have some friends." Helen said. "I can call someone." 

Helen called a friend to pick her up. Jim brought her a cup of coffee and handed her a small card. "If you want, you can call this number. Social Services can set you up with a grief councilor, I'm sure this is very hard for you." 

"Thank you, Detective." She said as she took the card. Then something occurred to her, that she hadn't thought of before. "Oh, God." She said, as she began to tremble. "How will I tell my parents?" She began to cry in earnest before Jim could form an answer and all he could do was put his arm around the trembling woman and wait with her in silence until her friend arrived to take her. 

By the time Jim got to the station, Blair had already been to the University and back. He handed a folder to Jim. 

"Copies of Kopec's transcripts, list of extracurricular activities, name, address, that sort of thing." Blair said. "I haven't really looked over it." 

"Good work, Chief." Jim looked down at his partner. /God, I just want to hold him./ Jim thought. 

Jim was shocked at himself when he decided to give in to the impulse. 

"Come with me." He said, dropping the folder onto his desk. Blair followed him to the break room. Jim shut the door and gathered his guide into his arms. Blair stiffened for a moment, wondering at the unexpected display, but he soon relaxed and brought his arms around Jim, who squeezed him tighter. When the embrace showed no signs of ending, Blair spoke up. 

"Uh, Jim? Not that I'm complaining, but what brought this on?" 

Jim loosened the hold. "I was just thinking about these cases. Y'know, how one minute, everything was fine and the next, families are torn apart." 

Blair was about to say something, but thought better of it. Jim had been opening up more and more and he wasn't about to jinx it. 

"And I got to thinking," Jim continued. "that there's nothing to stop the same thing from happening to us; That I could be waiting at home for some cop to drop by and ask me to ID your body; That you could leave in the morning and never come home. And I got to thinking about us." 

"What about us?" 

"We have a date tomorrow." 

"I'm looking forward to it." Blair said. 

"Maybe Scott Kopec, had a date tomorrow. Or Roberta Lee, or Joe Phillips, or any of the others." 

"Jim, what's the point of dwelling on that?" 

"What's the point of waiting until tomorrow? One day, tomorrow might not come. If I didn't learn that lesson from Davy, I'm certainly learning it now. There was so much we could have done, so much we planned to do, tomorrow. In the future. But tomorrow never came. Blair, what if all we have is today?" Jim said looking directly into Blair's eyes. 

"Then we should make the most of it." 

"Then I should tell you now, because I don't need to be wined and dined and wooed. I can't wait until tomorrow." 

"Can't wait till tomorrow, for what, Jim?" 

"I can't wait until tomorrow, to say I love you. I love you, Blair." 

Blair was stunned. "Wow, Jim. Usually, it's like pulling teeth just to get a 'thank you' out of you. Now, you drop this in my lap. I, I don't know what to say." 

"Say you love me too." 

"You know I do." Blair said leaning in for another hug. "If this were a movie we'd be having sex right now." He said with a chuckle. 

"Not at the precinct, Chief." Jim said. 

They separated with one last lingering touch and left the break room, walking back to Jim's desk. 

"Blair?" Jim said as they began looking through the folder Blair had brought. 

"Yeah?" 

"Why did Simon call you to the scene before me? And how did he know that you weren't home?" 

"Well, uh... He called me on the cell." 

"Why?" Jim asked noticing his friend's nervous speech and a marked increase in his heart rate. 

"He um... He was, uh, kind of worried about you." 

"Worried about me?" 

"Well, you haven't zoned in a while and here you've done it twice on this case. He wanted to make sure you were OK." 

"He was checking up on me." Jim said coldly. 

"Well, not exactly. He just wanted to make sure you were 100%." 

"He could've asked me." 

"Jim, how many times have you told Simon you were 100% when you really weren't?" 

"So you're keeping me honest now?" Jim was getting angry. 

"No. He just knows how you operate. When something's wrong you try and deal with it yourself and that's not always the best thing to do. I thought we settled this last night. There's nothing wrong with needing help." 

"So, what did you tell him?" Jim appeared placated. 

"I told him that you were fine. That it was just all the blood and you're not used to all that stimulation. He just wanted me to get there first, so I could pull you out if something happened." 

Jim huffed. He wasn't happy. "Let's just get to work." He snapped as he turned his attention back to the folder. 

"Don't be mad, Jim." Blair said. "Simon was just concerned." 

"I'm not mad, Chief. I'm just upset because he was right." 

"There's nothing wrong with needing help." 

"Just keep on telling me that, Chief." He said giving Blair's hand a quick, furtive pat to reassure him that everything was all right. "Now, let's get to work." He said again, but with a gentler voice. 

A few hours later Wolf approached with a folder of his own. "Cause of death: Asphyxiation due to exsanguination. Manner: Homicide." He said. 

"Was he drugged?" Jim asked. 

"Just like the others. Cassie was able to pull enough blood from the sand." Wolf replied. 

"Did you figure out what that stuff you found on him was?" Jim asked. 

"Preliminary says it's some kind of cheap latex." Wolf said. 

"Maybe he's wearing some kind of rubber over his clothes." Blair suggested. 

"That would explain why I haven't been able to pull any hair samples." Wolf said. "You can buy liquid latex and paint yourself with it." 

"Wouldn't that suffocate him?" Blair asked. 

"Not if he didn't cover his back." Wolf replied. "Anyway it's just his front and extremities that would need to be covered. I also pulled some cotton fibers off the body. Same kind as on the others." 

"Do you know what it's from?" Jim asked. 

"Probably some kind of coat. We're trying to track down the dye, but I don't think it would lead to anything even if we found it." 

"He's picking up speed." Jim said. "The first two murders occurred two weeks apart. Then there was another a week later. Then five days later there's another. Now four days later this happens." 

"But the missing persons report said that Kopec disappeared three days before he was killed. Which means he was taken the night after the fourth murder." 

"Why would he hold on to him for that long?" Jim wondered aloud. 

"It was raining." Wolf said. 

"That's right. The night Kopec was taken it started raining around 10:00." Blair said. 

"And it didn't stop until yesterday." Jim said. 

"Adam's beach is pretty secluded. It's not close enough to the road for the street lights to be of any use." Blair said. 

"So he would've waited for a clear night." Wolf said. 

"And the night Kopec disappeared was a full moon." Jim said, looking at the information on his desk calendar. 

"So we should probably be expecting another one soon." Wolf said. 

"What really bugs me, is how is he finding these people? I mean, if Sandburg's theory is right, he's not likely to run into these people very often." 

"Hey," Blair said, looking up from the paper in his hand. "I went to this party." 

"What party?" Jim asked. 

"This party." Blair said, pointing to a list of Scott's activities. "Scott's fraternity hosted this fund-raiser for the Art department. It was a big to do. Command performance for most of the faculty and a lot of prominent people in the community were there. Actually, I think I met Roberta Lee there." 

"Who?" Wolf asked. 

"Victim number two." Jim said. "The artist." He turned to Blair. "Was Jacobs there?" 

"Yeah." Blair said. "I can't believe I didn't remember this." 

"It's OK, Chief. Do you remember if any of the other victims were there?" 

"No, I don't. But this is like, an incredible coincidence. Three victims, all in the same place at the same time." Blair checked the date of the party. "And two weeks before the first murder." 

"Is there a guest list in there?" Jim asked. 

"No, but I can get one." 

Jim glanced at his watch. 7 PM. "Kinda late." Jim said as Blair reached for the phone. 

"Oh, Paige will be there. She's between ISP's. She's been using her office computer for recreational purposes after hours. She owes me favor." 

"Then do it." Jim said, handing Blair the phone. 

"Why don't I do it from home?" Blair asked. "You'll be here for awhile, going over the Autopsy and, no offense Dan, but I've seen enough of that already. Besides, I can start dinner." Blair said, leaning over the desk to reach his keys. "And I'm planning a very romantic dinner." He whispered as he drew himself back up. 

"All right." Jim said, his attention already focused on the Autopsy report. 

"Take care, Dan. See you at home, Jim." 

"Later, Sandburg." They both replied as Blair left the room. 

Jim arrived home about two hours later and immediately noticed something wrong. There was no noise coming from the loft as he went up the stairs. As he approached the door he saw that it hung oddly open, having been kicked in from the outside. 

"Blair." He called, although he already knew his friend wasn't there. He began casting about for evidence of what had happened. He saw some pages on the coffee table. 

He picked them up and saw that they were a guest list of the party Blair had attended. The names of all the victims had been highlighted in green while a second group of names had been marked in blue. He read through the names, trying to figure out what they meant, when he spotted Blair's name. Then it hit him, that Blair was picking out potential victims. 

Then Jim smelled it, the same smell that had hung around Scott Kopec's body at Adam's Beach. The killer had been here. He'd taken Blair. 

Jim was outraged, his protective instincts, kicking into overdrive. He let out a low roar as he headed for the door. He pulled the door open and almost ran straight into Matt Ryan. 

"Whoa, Uncle Jimmy, what's the rush?" Matt asked trying to keep his feet as he hurriedly jumped out of Jim's path. 

"Matty?" 

"I just stopped by to give these catalogs back to Blair." He said, nervously looking just a little bit frightened of Jim. 

"Blair's been kidnapped." He said, as he headed down the stairs. 

Matt stood stunned for a while. "What!?" He yelled after Jim as he followed him down the stairs. 

"It's the killer we've been tracking. I smell him all over the loft. The same smell as at the beach." Jim said as he climbed into the truck. 

Matt followed him. 

"And just where do you think you're going?" Jim asked incredulously. 

"With you." Matt answered plainly. "Do you even know where you're going?" 

This was the first time Jim had stopped to think about where he was going. "No." He said with a confidence that hid his fear. /How can I save him if I don't know where he is?/ 

"It would be some place public." Jim said. Then he remembered Blair's theory. "Some place that has to do with his job." 

"The university." Matt suggested. 

"No, it would have to be someplace easily accessible to the general public. Something that doesn't cost too much money." 

They sat in the truck, thinking, both keenly aware that they were running out of time. 

"Would he want the body found quickly?" Matt asked. 

"Yeah." Jim said. All the other bodies had been placed where they would be found within a day. 

"A museum, maybe." Matt said. 

"Which one?" Jim said. 

"Well, we can eliminate art museums." Matt said. 

"And the Natural History Museum." Jim said. 

"That's it!" Matt said. 

"It is?" 

"Yeah, they're opening a big new exhibit tomorrow. 'Pre-Catholic, Celtic Art' I remember because I wanted to go, but we're leaving too early. I saw it in the paper." Matt said. 

"The perfect place to show a dead Anthropologist to the world." Jim said through clenched teeth as the truck peeled out of the parking lot. 

With the lights and the siren he made it in less than twenty minutes. He stepped out of the truck in front of the large Greek-Revival structure and listened to the building. 

Shocked that he only heard two heartbeats, he listened closely. One was shallow and weak, the other beating excitedly. He listened for the sound of talking, and heard muffled, slurred protests in conjunction with ripping cloth. The sound of the voice nearly tore his heart out. It was Blair. 

"He's in there." Jim said. 

"How do you know?" Matt asked. 

"I just do." Jim said. "And I think the guards are dead." 

"What do we do?" Matt asked. 

Jim handed him his cell phone. "Hit memory three. That's my Captain's cell phone. Captain Banks. You call him and tell him what's going on. Tell him I'm going in to save Sandburg." 

"You can't go in there alone." Matt said, getting out of the truck. 

"Don't even think of following me." Jim said, quickly ushering the young man back into the truck. 

"But what if something happens to you?" Matt asked desperately. 

"I'll be OK, Matty." Jim said. "But I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you. Now look me in the eye and promise me you'll stay out here." His tone was urgent. He had to save Blair. But not at the expense of someone else. 

Matt looked up. "I promise." 

"Good boy. Now, call Captain Banks, and stay in the truck until he gets here." 

"What does he look like?" 

"Black, loud, glasses, bigger than me." Jim said. 

"That's big." 

Jim pulled the young man into a tight, quick hug. "I'll be OK. This kind of thing happens more often than you'd think." 

"Be careful, Uncle Jimmy. I don't want to lose you again." 

Jim shut the door to the truck, drew his gun, and quickly headed into the building. 

Following the muffled sounds of Blair's voice, he found his way to the wing where the new exhibit was located. He nearly got sick as he heard the sound of the killer's hand running across Blair's naked skin. "I'm coming, Chief." He whispered. "Just hang on." 

Outside the museum Matt sat in the quiet night. Suddenly, the air was filled with light and noise as police cars whipped around the corner. He spotted a tall black man in a trench coat who was motioning wildly to other officers. 

"He really is bigger." Matt said to himself as he got out of the truck and ran to the man. "Captain Banks?" 

"Yes?" He looked expectantly at the young man. 

"You have to hurry." He said frantically. "Blair's in there with the killer and Uncle Jimmy went in to get him. He's alone in there, something could've happened to him." 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down kid. Uncle who?" 

"Detective Ellison." Matt said. "He went in to get Blair, by himself." 

"Stupid bastard." Banks said under his breath. He motioned to some officers. "Rafe, Brown, Connor, you're with me. The rest of you, seal off the exits, I don't want anyone without a badge getting in or out." 

The four officers headed into museum. 

Jim finally found the killer. He was big. Standing from behind, Jim could only see his bleached blond hair, the dark trench coat he wore, and the knife he held. Jim aimed his weapon and shouted. "Cascade PD! Drop your weapon and put your hands over your head." 

The killer turned around quickly. Under the trench coat he didn't seem to be wearing anything but painted on rubber. /Liquid latex/ Jim thought, thinking of the sample pulled off Kopec's body. There was an open area revealing the killers shaved genitalia. The killer lunged at Jim, knocking him over. Jim's gun skittered across the marble floor and Jim saw stars as his head collided with the old stone. Jim felt the sharpness of the blade at his neck and reached up with his right hand, landing a solid hit to the jaw which knocked the killer off of him. Jim rolled into a crouch, and grabbed his gun, but the killer had gotten up and swung down, smashing the butt of the knife's metal handle into Jim's right wrist. Jim heard the sickening crack and open his hand reflexively as his wrist broke. Still in a crouch, with the killer standing over him, Jim swept the man's feet out from under him, with a quick kick. 

The killer dropped to the ground, but quickly recovered. Momentarily distracted by a moan from Blair as the killer landed on him, Jim was tackled when the man lunged at him from a low squat. Jim reared up off the floor, but was caught from behind, his good hand away from the killer's body and the knife pressed against his throat. 

Just when he was sure it was over, the cavalry arrived. Rafe, Brown, Connor, and Banks burst into the room, shouting at the killer to put his weapon down. 

"Don't come any closer." The man shouted madly, and dug the knife into Jim's skin. "Or he dies!" 

"Put the knife down and let him go, and I promise you won't be hurt." Simon said to the killer. 

"You first!" The madman shouted. "Put your guns down!" 

The officers made no move to put their guns down and the killer made no move to put the knife down. Despite the pain, Jim tested his right hand. There wasn't much strength, but he might be able to help. What was it they taught girls in school? Grab, twist, and pull? It could work. 

A quick motion by Jim had the man howling in pain as he stumbled back. He lunged at Jim with the knife, but was thrown back by a bullet to the shoulder courtesy of Megan Connor. As Rafe and Brown manhandled their catch into cuffs, Simon got on his radio and called for the paramedics. Jim got up and, cradling his bad arm, made his way to where Blair was lying bonelessly on the floor. 

Blair looked up at him muzzily. "Jim?" He asked quietly. 

"Yeah, it's me, Chief. You're gonna be OK." 

"Feellikeshit." He slurred. "Can'tmove." 

"It's the drugs." Jim said. "You'll be OK." 

"Guess our date's off." Blair said, not realizing he was in a room full of cops. 

Jim blushed a bit but then placed a light kiss on Blair's forehead. "I'll take a rain check." 

"Cold." Blair said. 

Simon came up and put his large trench coat over Blair's naked body. 

"Date, Jim?" Simon asked, smiling. 

"Long story, sir." Jim said, running his hand through his hair. 

"Longer than the story about the kid out there who calls you Uncle Jimmy?" Simon asked. 

"Oh, shit, Matty! He must be worried sick." Jim said. He stayed their for a moment looking between Blair and the door. 

"Go ahead, Jim." Simon said. "I'll watch out for Sandburg." 

Jim gave Simon a nod of thanks and ran out of the room, confident that his friend was in good hands with his captain and the approaching paramedics. 

Jim ran out of the front door and saw Matt pacing nervously in front of the truck. 

"Matty!" He called as he approached the young man. 

"Uncle Jimmy!" Matt threw himself into Jim's arms. 

"Hey, I told you I'd be OK, kiddo." Jim said as he rubbed Matt's back up and down with his good hand. 

Matt pulled back and noticed Jim's right hand was hanging oddly. "What happened?" He asked, concerned. 

"Just a little on the job injury." Jim said. 

"You need to have that set." Matt said as he pulled Jim by his left hand toward an ambulance. 

Jim turned away from the EMT who was splinting his wrist when he heard another group of EMT's bringing Blair out on a stretcher. They approached the ambulance he was standing near and loaded him in. Jim climbed in after him. Matt approached the back of the ambulance. "I want to go with you." He said. 

"Tell, Captain Banks I said to take you to the hospital." The doors were shut and the ambulance screamed off into the night. 

Two hours later, Jim was sitting in Blair's room, trying to hold still as his cast dried. Blair was asleep in bed, with an IV pumping fluids to help flush the drugs he had been given out of his system. Simon sat in a chair while Matt slept quietly in the room's other bed. He had called his parents who were on there way. "So who's the kid?" Simon asked quietly. 

"My nephew." Jim said. 

"Stephen doesn't have any kids." Simon said. "Neither did Carolyn's sister. So, who's the kid?" 

"I was with his Uncle for a long time." Jim said. He was just too damned tired to think of anything. Anyway, Simon was his friend. He deserved the truth. "I was sort of, accepted into the family. He died in Peru." /God, Sandburg, I wish you were awake. You could've made up a great story./ 

"You were with his Uncle?" Simon asked, as if he didn't truly understand the concept. 

"Simon, I'm tired, my wrist hurts, I'm worried about Blair, I'm gonna be on desk duty for at least the next six weeks. I'm really not in the mood for justifying my sex life right now." 

"I just never thought of you as..." 

"Stop right there, Simon." 

"Sorry, Jim. Hey, we're still friends, right?" 

"That's up to you." Jim said. 

"Then we are." Simon said emphatically. 

"Thanks, Simon. That means a lot to me." 

"So, you and Sandburg?" Simon asked. 

"We're trying to start something." Jim said. "But things keep getting in the way." 

"Like serial killers?" 

"And slave driving captains." Jim said, smiling. 

"I'm not that bad." Simon said. "How about I put you both on disability for a week when he gets out of here?" 

"Sounds good." Jim said. 

"You deserve a vacation after bringing this guy in." 

At that moment, Sean and Carrie Ryan entered the room. "Jimmy, are you all right?" Carrie said. "Matt said you'd been hurt." 

"I'm fine, Carrie." Jim said standing up to hug the woman. "I just have a broken wrist." 

"And him?" Sean asked indicating Blair. 

"That's Blair." Jim said, as if introducing them. "He got drugged. He was the next intended victim. The killer didn't get very far though. He'll be fine." 

"Thank Goodness." Sean said. 

Simon cleared his throat. 

"Oh, sorry." Jim said. "Sean and Carrie Ryan this is my Captain. Simon Banks this is Sean and Carrie Ryan. Matt's parents." 

"Nice to meet you." Simon said. 

"Likewise." Sean said, shaking Simon's hand. 

Carrie went to the bed Matt was sleeping on and gently shook him awake. "Wake up sweetie. It's time to go." 

"Mom? Oh, hi." He said, still half asleep. "Did you hear? Uncle Jimmy caught a serial killer, and I helped. I figured out where he took Blair and I got to call for backup and everything." 

"That's great, honey." She said as she helped the sleepy young man up. 

"You did good, kiddo." Jim said clapping his left hand onto his shoulder. "I'm proud of you." 

"So am I." Sean said, putting his arm around his son's shoulders. "Now let's get you to bed." 

"'K." He answered. "'Night Uncle Jimmy. Night Cap'n Banks." 

"Goodnight kiddo." Jim said. 

"That's an interesting family you've got there." Simon said after they left. 

"The best." Jim said. 

The next day, Jim stood with his family at the airport. 

"I'm gonna miss you guys." Jim said. 

"You can write." Carrie chided. "We gave you our e-mail address." 

"Just don't mind the typos." Jim said, holding up his casted forearm. 

Carrie just laughed. They each took turns hugging him. 

"So what do you say, kiddo? Rainier looking pretty good?" Jim said to Matt. 

"Looking real good." Matt answered. 

"I have to admit, I've been nervous about sending him to school." Sean said. "It'd be nice to have someone to look in on him." 

Matt rolled his eyes. 

"Will you be coming for Christmas?" Matt asked. 

"I don't know." Jim said. 

"You're always welcome." Sean said. "You and anyone you want to bring if you're worried about Blair. You're family, Jimmy and if you love him, that makes him family too." 

"He'd like that." Jim said. "I'll try. I might have to work." 

"Do your best then." Carrie said. "We'd love to have you." 

The stewardess called for the flight to board and Sean and Carrie each hugged Jim again before heading down the gangway. Matt stayed behind. 

"Uncle Jimmy?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Back at the museum, how did you know Blair was inside? And how did you know the killer had been at your apartment?" 

Jim took a deep breath. This was not something he could explain in two minutes. "I'll tell you later. I promise. It's a long story." 

Matt looked at him skeptically. 

"Next time we get a chance to sit and talk, I'll tell you all about it." 

"OK." Matt said. "I guess it's kind of a secret, huh?" 

"Kind of." Jim said. "Don't tell anyone." 

"I won't." 

"Good boy." Jim said, and hugged him. 

A few days later, Jim and Blair were finally on their date. Out on the floor of the club Blair had mentioned, they danced to a slow jazz waltz. It was a nice classy place that tried to recreate the feel of a forty's night club. It was bright with high ceilings and a large orchestra providing music. It wasn't too full in the middle of the week, but neither one of them had to get up early the next day. There were plenty of people there all having a good time, and like Blair said, no one gave them a second look. 

"This is great, Chief." Jim said. The music was low and he didn't have to shout. 

"Yeah it is." Blair answered happily. 

"You really know how to show a guy a good time, don't you?" 

"I thought you didn't need to be wined and dined and wooed." Blair answered coyly. 

"That doesn't mean I don't like it." Jim said. 

"By the way, thanks for the flowers." Blair said. Although they were both officially off from the station, Blair still had a lot to do at the university. Jim had sent him a bouquet with a card that simply said: 

'I miss you. Love, J-' 

"Well, I'm not as smart as you. I have to find some way to keep you interested." 

"You're not stupid, Jim." Blair said. 

"Blair, there are very few people in this world who are as smart as you. That doesn't make the rest of us stupid. But I can't speak that Ph.D language and I know you need that sometimes." 

"Well, maybe you can't always stimulate my mind," Blair said, huskily into Jim's ear "but I can think of other things you can stimulate." 

"Oh, baby." Jim breathed. "Let's go home." He said and kissed Blair's neck. 

"No argument from me." Blair said as they headed off the dance floor and out the door. 

Jim and Blair kissed like mad at every red light. And at the bottom of every stair case. And in front of their door. And at the bottom of the stairs to the loft. 

"I don't want you thinking I'm easy." Jim said as he and Blair finally lay down on Jim's bed. "I mean one date and you get me into the sack. Will you still respect me in the morning?" He said teasingly. 

"Jim, I've been trying to get you into bed for three years, you're the hardest date I've ever had." Blair said. And then, running a hand along Jim's muscled chest and gripping his erection through his pants he added. "Definitely the hardest." He leaned over to kiss Jim guiding him down onto the bed. Jim was on his back with Blair on top as they began to remove each other's clothing. 

"I... love you." Jim said, between two passionate kisses. 

"I love you." 

Epilogue 

John Q. Public turned out to be a caterer and waiter by the name of Robert Staltz. He had been abused by his father. He had a history of abusing animals. He was on parole from an assault charge. He was basically everything a Forensic Psychologist would have said he was, if the Cascade PD had enough money to hire one. He hated the rich, and despite what most would consider good looks, was very uncomfortable in romantic situations. The Psychiatrist who evaluated him said that the party had caused a psychotic break and that this was most likely the first time he had killed. Yet another future resident of Connover. They found a list of names in his apartment. All of the victims were on it. Blair's name along with three others had been added with a different pen, and it was being suggested that as he began to escalate, Staltz was altering his standards, eliminating height as a deciding factor. But he was gone for good now and would hopefully never see the outside again. 

Jim came back from work to find Blair busily wrapping pumpkin pies for the Thanksgiving dinner they'd been invited to at Simon's. Jim thought about the last eight months of their life together. For it truly was their's together. It was a dream come true. Sure they fought, but what couple didn't? And anyway, you couldn't get much better than make-up sex. Adding sex to their relationship had added surprisingly few problems to it. They were so close already that Jim had begun to wonder why they hadn't been a couple all along. 

"You got e-mail from Matt." Blair said after they greeted each other with a soft kiss. 

The first mail contained a short letter saying that he'd gotten early acceptance into Rainier. The second message contained directions for retrieving an Internet post card. He went to the site and typed in his claim number. It was a Christmas card that played a MIDI of 'Christmas is coming' The text simply read 'Well?' 

"He got into Rainier." Jim said as he sat down on the couch. Blair came over and handed him some coffee. 

"That's great." Blair said. 

"And he wants us to come for Christmas." 

"I don't feel right about that." Blair said. "You should go though." 

Jim put his cup down and pulled Blair into his lap. "Why don't you want to go?" He asked. 

"I don't know. It's just that, y'know, what with Davy and all, I feel like I'm walking on sacred ground." 

"Blair, Davy is dead. I loved him just as much as they did, but he's gone. And if you're worried that they think you're trying to take his place then you can just stop right now." 

"It does seem kind of silly, doesn't it?" 

"What you feel is never silly, Chief." 

"I guess, I'm sort of worried that I can't take his place." Blair sighed. "Can't take his place here." He pointed at Jim's heart. 

Jim covered Blair's hand with his own and held it against his chest. "You can't, Blair. No one can. He was my first real lover. He was my first in a lot of things. It was special and it was beautiful, and a part of me will always belong to him, but I _Love_ you. You own a piece of me too, and if you died tomorrow, no one would have that part of me again. But I want you to know, that I have never compared you to him. I never would. I love you, and you love me and that's all we need." 

"Would I measure up?" Blair asked. "Because it sounds an awful lot like you're settling here." 

"No way, Chief. I tried settling once before and we both know how that ended. I love you with just as much power and feeling as I did him. Just in a different way. Do you understand?" 

"Yeah, yeah, I do. I must sound pretty insecure being jealous of him. I mean how immature is that? Being jealous of your first." 

"Don't feel bad, Chief. I love you." Jim kissed the soft spot behind his ear. 

"Love you too." Blair gasped. 

"So, what do you say? Christmas in New York?" 

"Sounds good." Blair said. 

"Thanks, Chief. They'll love you, I promise. Now let's get to Simon's before Rafe and Brown eat the entire turkey." 

"Why do I suddenly feel like I've just agreed to meet the in-laws?" 

"Because you have." Jim smiled as they both got up to leave for Simon's. 

"Well, then I hope I make a good impression." He said jokingly as they went down the stairs. 

"You'll do fine. Matty'll be calling you 'Uncle Blair' in no time." 

"I'd like that." Blair said thoughtfully as they got into the truck. "I'd like that a lot." 

Jim leaned over and kissed Blair on the lips. "Love you, Blair." 

"Love you, James." 

End 


End file.
